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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Meet NJ's New Superintendents!

JAZZMAN EXCLUSIVE!

Big news in the wake of the announcement that the superintendents of New Jersey's most "troubled" schools need not have educational experience:
Board Vice President Ilan Plawker said he is “very comfortable” with the new regulations, adding that he had no experience as an educator before serving on his local school board and now on the state board.
“These jobs require the administrative skills gained from having run a successful business,” Plawker said. “Our end goal is a business product – getting our kids through school and ready for work or college.”
It's about time that schools started emulating American business, because we all know how well American business has been doing!

In that spirit, I am pleased to announce the new leaders that will guide our state's students business products to the future! These leaders represent the very best of American business, are paragons of "accountability" - unlike those rotten teachers - and are sure to do for schools what they've done for the economy:


Countrywide
Angelo Mozilo
Angelo Mozilo
Paid: $251,928,885 (since 1988)
Losses: $3.9 billion (in 2007)

New Superintendent of Newark

Washington Mutual
Kerry Killinger
Kerry Killinger
Paid: $123,052,291 (since 1988)
Losses: $8.0 billion (last quarter of 2007)

New Superintendent of Trenton



Citigroup
Vikram Pandit
Vikram Pandit
Paid: $483,301,867 (since 1988)
Losses: $18.7 billion (2008)

New Superintendent of Camden



Merrill Lynch
Stanley O'Neal
Stanley O'Neal
Paid: $344,799,169 (since 1988)
Losses: $35.8 billion (since second half of 2007)

New Superintendent of Asbury Park



Bear Stearns
James Cayne
James Cayne
Paid: $290,387,761 (since 1988)
Losses: Failed Spring 2008 before it had a chance to record an annual loss
New Superintendent of Paterson


Lehman Brothers
Richard Fuld
Richard Fuld
Paid: $255,917,460 (since 1988)
Losses: $2.3 billion (first half of 2008)
New Superintendent of Irvington


AIG
Martin Sullivan
Martin Sullivan
Paid: $217,904,311 (since 1988)
Losses: $37.6 billion (2008)\
New Superintendent of Elizabeth


Word around both State Street and Wall Street is that future candidates for other Abbott districts include Tony Hayward of British Petroleum, William Weldon of Johnson & Johnson, Richard Grasso of the NYSE, and, of course, George Norcross.

I feel MUCH better about our schools now!

6 comments:

  1. Duke,

    Let's think about all the possible political hacks who are now qualified to lead NJ public schools:

    1. Karl Rove
    2. Scooter Libby
    3. Ollie North
    4. Any non-felonious NJ pol with a BA.
    5. And etc., etc., and etc.

    Christie and the enabling Democrats are quickly dumbing down NJ public education as fast as they can.

    This change in regulations is going to COST districts endless amounts of $$$ as the new corporate/political hack supes trip over special ed and ELL law, labor law, etc. etc. The mind runs riot (and Rhee's reign of error in DC is quite instructive).

    It's all about the looting these days....

    ReplyDelete
  2. "This change in regulations is going to COST districts endless amounts of $$$ as the new corporate/political hack supes trip over special ed and ELL law, labor law, etc. etc. The mind runs riot (and Rhee's reign of error in DC is quite instructive"

    Very good point.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey are these billionaires going to put up with the new Superintendent pay caps, or will they be given special dispensation like the charter school idiots?

    ReplyDelete
  4. First, I believe superintendents of charters are EXEMPT from the salary caps.

    Second, if we're gonna run schools like a business, and eliminate unproductive resources (teachers whose students don't do well), can we also change vendors (parents) of the chief raw materials (students)? I mean, if you're making blueberry pie and you keep getting mushy, unusable blueberries, you either find better blueberries or you'll go out of business.

    NEXT: Doctors whose patients don't get better, even if they refuse to follow advice and take medication, will be terminated.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Woops, I initially misread your post, TeacherMom, so now I sound like a redundant idiot.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I like the Jazz Man title. Yeah, let's just shuffle those feet right along with the cards. This does not bode well. Public Education is in trouble in this state.

    ReplyDelete

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